Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Writer's Voice


**UPDATE: I was picked for the agent round of this contest! Go Team Krista! You can read my revised entry here.**

It seems I'm one of the lucky 150 to make it into the next round of a rather awesome and exciting contest, "The Writer's Voice." (You can read about it here.) Thanks so much to all of the people involved in putting this contest together! You guys are awesome! :)

(A note to my regular followers: two blog posts in one day? I'm sure you're as shocked about it as I am! I suppose it was bound to happen someday.)

And now, without further ado, here's my entry!


Title: LUMINARY
Genre: YA Fantasy
Word Count: 91,000

QUERY

Seventeen-year-old Caya Filar, like everyone else in her city, sees only in grayscale. Colors exist as magical energy, once worked by Luminaries like her father. But when a prince, terrified of magic he couldn't see, slaughtered the Luminaries and stole the king's throne, colors became something to fear.

Now little better than an outcast, Caya steers clear of the king's guards. She knows they're eager for any excuse to brand her a Luminary and execute her, whether she can see color or not. And there's no chance of leaving the city with guards patrolling the walls, murdering anyone who tries to flee. Keeping her head down, she works in a shop to feed her family—at least until the shopkeeper's son proposes. His respectable name might help her overcome the stigma left by her father's Luminary magic. 
 
If only the stone in her engagement ring had stayed gray.

FIRST 250

Every day as I left to work, Avara tried to make me feel guilty and I tried to make her feel useless. It was a daily routine for us. I kept my head high and my shoulders back as I made my way to the grand foyer, knowing she was there.

Sure enough, I was only about halfway down the curved staircase when I heard her usual sound of disgust. "Stubborn as ever," she said softly, and I followed her voice with my eyes. She was leaning against the doorframe of the parlor, arms crossed over her stomach.

"Not stubborn." After months of the same argument, my voice came out flat and disinterested. "Just not in favor of starving to death."

"You're making things worse. You have to see that." 

"Yes, because so many people were clamoring to marry us before I took a job."

She glared at me. No matter how many times I used the line, she had no response. Yet she still picked the fight, pretending nothing had changed in the six years since King Elun stole the throne from his brother.

The uprising happened the night of Avara's debut ball, ruining her plan to be betrothed by midnight. She'd known Elun's guards were coming for our father, hunting down anyone who could see the colors of magic. But all she'd cared about was getting a ring on her finger, no matter the cost.

If she hadn't argued for so long, we probably all would've gotten out of the city alive.

37 comments:

  1. Yay!! I'm so excited to see that you got into The Writer's Voice contest!! I love LUMINARY!! :)

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  2. I love the sisters dynamic. Relationships and character draw me into fantasy as much as magic. :)

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  3. Ooh, what a wonderful premise! Great dynamic indeed. Good luck!

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  4. Very original premise. My mind is going all sorts of places thinking about it. Good luck with your entry!

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  5. I love this story idea! I especially like the last line of your query - very intriguing! Good luck!

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  6. So that last line in the query letter is KILLER! I love it and I think the concept is so fresh. I'd definitely keep reading.

    My only nitpicky thing would be in the first 250. The word "useless" in the sentence "and I tried to make her feel useless" seems off to me. Maybe it's the wrong word? It just makes Caya seem mean and I know from the rest of the opening that she is totally cool. So maybe saying something like "and I try to prove her wrong" would seem less severe?

    This is really minor though. As I said, I'm in love with this concept and that query letter is killer. I'd totally keep reading!

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  7. This sounds like an AWESOME concept. I'm obsessed with color ( I'm actually comic book colorist as well as a writer..no really I am lol! It's a real job!)

    I love the last line of the pitch - put a smile on my face and reeled me in. And good job on your first 250!

    Good luck!

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  8. That sounds like a great story! Good luck!

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  9. Your last line is an awesome hook. I love the premise-I would buy your book! Good luck!

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  10. Love your query & your 250. I didn't want to stop reading! Good luck to us both!

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  11. I'm very intrigued with colors and the premise of this is very colorful. Best wishes with this one!

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  12. Interesting approach! When you have a moment, stop by my blog too. I also have a color theme. It's fun to see what other contenders have come up with.

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  13. Ooh, I loved the last line of your query, too. Good luck!

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  14. Guess you're hearing this a lot, but I loved the last line of your query as well. What a fantastic hook. Good luck!

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  15. This seems like a really interesting concept! I can't help but agree that the last line leaves us wanting for more.
    Good luck!

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  16. Awesome query! Great intro. Good luck!!

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  17. Wow, that last line in your query pulled me in BIG TIME. Sending you positive vibes for the contest.

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  18. I seriously want to read this and agree with Leslie Rose...the last line of your 250 put the hook in deep. Best of luck. :)

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  19. I love your query and first 250! I also love high fantasy! This sounds like something I'd read in a heartbeat. Good luck!

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  20. Outstanding! And I totally agree that the last line in the query is NOTHING BUT WIN.

    G'luck! Long live the TwitWits.

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  21. I suppose I'm going to sound like EVERYBODY ELSE, but I had to pause before jumping into the first 250 because...the stone. That was epic.

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  22. This sounds so enthralling! Like everyone else said, that last line of your query kills! Good luck!

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  23. Oo, colors! I'd love to see/read this world. I love the concept! Good luck!

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  24. I don't read fantasy, but I'd have to give this one a spin. I love the world you've created, and your writing had me hooked right away. Good luck!

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    1. Jenna, I don't usually read fantasy either, but I got to read all of LUMINARY, and it's seriously one of the best things I've read in a long time. I can't stop fangirling about it :) You would LOVE this!

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    2. It wouldn't be half the book it is without all of your feedback, Veronica. <3

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  25. I like this idea too and I love the last line of the query!!! Good luck!

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  26. I have to agree with everyone else: the last line of your query is absolutely awesome! (BTW I enjoyed the rest of the query too!) Good luck!

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  27. If I were an agent, I would have pushed "Request" as fast as I could. I LOVE this so much! I'm a zookeeper and the color vision of animals fascinates me, so I'm super excited about playing with that concept with humans. Also, wow. Your query. Just wow.

    Good luck!

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  28. Fantastic concept--you hooked me, especially with the last line of your query. Good luck. :)

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  29. Super cool concept! Your query totally hooked me. I'd totally want to read more! ^_^

    Best of luck!

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  30. Wow! This reminds me of the Brandon Sanderson book, Warbreaker with the power of color. Very cool premise. Good luck!

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    1. Interesting! I've heard of Brandon Sanderson (naturally), but never that book. I'll look it up! :)

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  31. I love the idea of a colorless world--and the color descriptions sure to follow. Good luck!

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  32. Great concept, and judging by your query and sample, you've got the writing chops to back it up! good luck!

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  33. I also got to read it and yes it is awesome. Go Ashley! <3

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  34. I want to thank all of you for your amazing comments! <3 <3 <3

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