What's In A Name?

I have frequently changed my mind about what my Official Author Name is going to be. At some point, I'm going to have to actually make a final decision and stick with it.

So I was kind of hoping that you guys could help. I created a survey (it'll probably take you all of a minute to complete it) with the different options I've considered over the years. If you could please choose the one you think sounds the best (and there's the option to tell me why you think it sounds the best), I would greatly appreciate it.

Click here to take the survey.

Thank you!

On Bullies, Apologies, and Making A Real Difference

I'm going to take a break from my normal posts to talk about something that's very important to me. It's a tad long (even for me), but I hope you'll stick with me. 

Here goes. 

I had a dream last night that surprised me. I was at a bookstore near where I grew up, signing books. And that's not the surprising part. I have dreams about that sort of thing often, and they're always wonderful. That's what every writer dreams about, right?

No, the surprising part was that a boy (now a man) who made fun of (bullied, teased, tormented, tortured) me in elementary and middle school showed up. He smiled and said, "You don't remember me, do you?" So I gave a small, polite, embarrassed smile and asked his name. Recognition and anger flitted across my face when he gave it, and he said, "I guess you do remember me."

"Yes, well, it's hard to forget the person who systematically destroyed your self-esteem for six straight years. So, you know, there's that." Insert not-so-polite smile here.

And he winced, and said he was sorry, and that he'd come to apologize. That he'd wanted for years to apologize for what he did to me, but he didn't know how to get in touch with me until he saw my picture on a poster at the book store. I told him Facebook would've maybe been a better option than showing up at my book signing, and that he was holding up my line.

Yes, there was a line. Because it was my dream, and in my dreams, I always have long lines at these things. ;)

So I woke up, and as I clawed my way out of the haze of sleep, I found myself wondering what on earth had caused this dream. This is a person I haven't spoken a single word to since eighth grade. Seriously, guys. That wasn't even in this millennium. But apparently my subconscious isn't ready to let the past go, even if the rest of me is.

And I really am ready to let it go, though that wasn't always the case. For the longest time, I intended to be published under my maiden name. It was a pretty unusual name, and I wanted all of the people from my past to know that I'd made it. That I'd done something with my life. That I was somebody.

Then a little over a year ago, I found myself wondering why I care. What does it matter to me what people I don't know and haven't seen for years think of me? It's not as though I think of them. (Except, I guess, in my subconscious, but I didn't know about that until I woke up this morning.) It's not as though I need their approval for anything ever. I didn't become a writer so that I could get back at people who were mean to me or to prove anything. I became a writer because I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember. Since before people decided I was fat and needed to be laughed at and embarrassed and made to feel like garbage on a daily basis.

So why am I dreaming up apologies from my former nemesis? Would that help? Would it really change anything fifteen years later? Because, honestly, I don't think it would. What good does that do? How does that help me? I don't need apologies to feel good about myself. Not at this stage in my life. 

However, I couldn't seem to let this dream go. I couldn't help thinking about what I would actually do if such a thing came to pass. And I figured it out. I would tell him that apologizing to me doesn't do anything. But if he has kids, or nieces and nephews, or God children, or anything else, he could try to teach them not to do to others what he did to me. That he could teach them to respect other people. Even if those people are overweight, or unattractive, or don't have nice clothes, or aren't super smart, or are gay, or are "different" in any other way you can imagine.

Trying to help me is a waste of time. I figured shit out on my own. And with the help of some amazing people, including the best friends I could possibly have, and the most wonderful husband I could ever have imagined. So no, I don't need an apology. I'm already good on that front. At this point, I don't need any help.

But there are plenty of people who do. People who feel like they'd rather die than have to go to school and face everyone. People who are constantly on edge, knowing that insults and barbs are coming, and it's only a matter of time. People who cry every single day, because they're hurt in some way every single day.

There are kids being bullied and teased and made to feel like shit about themselves right this second. So what would I say to this person if he magically showed up and apologized? 

You want to make up for what you did? Do everything you possibly can to keep it from happening again. Even if only one other person doesn't have to go through the crap I put up with, the world will be a slightly nicer place. That's what would really make a difference.

My Very First Blog Anniversary

So I realized this morning that I completely missed my blog anniversary! For shame! And I didn't just miss it. I missed it by a good two and a half weeks.

On a similar note, I can't believe that I've actually been (more or less) regularly blogging for more than a year. This is actually my third foray into blogging, but the only one that has succeeded. The first lasted for about 10 posts, and the second for about 3. And I never got any readers that weren't in my immediate family.

Anyway, to celebrate my one year blog anniversary, I'm going to play a little game. And I want every single one of you to play along with me. More on this in a moment.

So the game is the 7 Line WIP Game. I was tagged to play by the awesome Rachel Horwitz (you can read the seven lines from her YA alternate history mystery here). Here are the rules:

Go to either page 7 or page 77 of your manuscript. Count down seven lines and paste the next seven lines in a post. After that, name seven more authors to come out and play.

So to start, here are the seven lines, from page 77 of Luminary:

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the rough bark. I'd made it. 

I had only a few seconds of relief before I heard voices again. My eyes snapped open, and I started moving further into the forest, wanting to be safely away before they came even with me. As I had the last time, I rushed from tree to tree. I was moving between my fourth and fifth trees when I started understanding their words. But I didn't pay them much attention until the deeper of the voices asked, "Did you hear something?"

Now onto the part about how I want you all to play along with me. As I said above, the rules say I need to tag seven more authors to join in. So I definitely want to tag my two other CPs, both of whom are working on amazing books. 

Delia Moran
Veronica Bartles    

So hopefully they both agree to participate so you can get a glimpse at what they're working on! And I want all the rest of you who are writers to play, too! I want to learn a little more about what each of you are writing. So please, if you haven't played this little blog game yet, join in and put a link to your post in the comments. And if you've already played, give me a link to that post so I can go check it out! 

Awards!

So I'm very late on blogging about these. Several weeks ago, my wonderful and lovely friend Veronica Bartles nominated me for the One Lovely Blog award.

Then a little over two weeks after that, my wonderful and lovely friend Delia Moran nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award.

So I'm lovely and versatile! Yay! And since both awards instructed me to reveal 7 interesting things about myself, I've decided to kind of cheat by combining them. Because I don't know that I can think of 14 interesting things on such short notice. Granted, short here means several weeks, but whatever. Here goes! Here are 7 completely random facts about me.

1. I love to bake. Especially pies. Naturally, I enjoy eating them myself. But even more than that, I enjoy giving them to other people. This is maybe a tad narcissistic of me, because my favorite part of baking is when other people tell me that it's the best pie they've ever eaten. Or that I should quit my job and open a bakery. This was especially exciting for me when I baked a mixed berry pie for Christmas with my father's extended family two years ago. Nothing from my childhood led them to believe I would have any skill at baking, and they were shocked when they tasted it. When they showed up the next year, every single one of them asked if I brought a pie.  :)

2. I have a very high tolerance for pain. My mother has informed me that I used to get these massive double ear infections when I was a young child, and I wouldn't say a word about them. Then all of a sudden the pain would get so bad that I would burst into tears or, on occasion, faint. Apparently, the doctor used to give her looks, thinking she was a terrible mother. (Sorry mom!) I've also been told that when I broke my arm (I was six), my mom noticed me frowning about five hours later and asked what was wrong. My response was, "My arm kinda hurts." And she took that to mean, "My arm is majorly broken. We need to go to the emergency room immediately." She was correct.  

3. I don't like the vast majority of modern music. If you look at the CDs (yes, I still have CDs...I don't even like modern ways of listening to music!) in my car, I would venture to guess that 85% of them are Broadway/musical movie soundtracks, 10% of them are Disney, 4% of them are music from the 60s, 70s, 80s, or 90s, and that final 1% is music from this millennium.

4. I spent a large part of my childhood on a farm. This farm, to be specific. My grandparents lived there (my grandfather is a farmer) until I was 6 or so, and then built a beautiful home on the property behind it. Those two farms are my favorite places in the world. And it's because of my time there that no one in my father's family believed I could bake. I was always outside, climbing trees, wading through creeks, and just basically getting into trouble. (By that I mean disappearing for hours and making everyone worry, or getting things like poison ivy, Lyme disease, or rocky mountain spotted fever.) My sister was always the one who helped my grandmother in the kitchen/house. 

5. For my 9th birthday, I desperately wanted a Felicity American Girl Doll. Instead, I ended up with one of those dolls who you get to look like you. Only I guess they didn't have curly hair as an option back then, because mine had straight hair. And I was upset about it for about 15 years. I don't mean to say that I literally thought about this doll for 15 years. But more like whenever I thought about American Girl Dolls (because I saw a store or a catalog, etc.), my resentment simmered. So then, 15 years later, I asked my mom to give me Felicity for Christmas. So yes, as a 24 year old, I asked my mommy to buy me a doll. And I've never regretted it.

6. One of my favorite activities is geocaching. If you don't know what this is, the tagline is that I use multi-billion dollar government satellites to find tupperware in the woods. Basically, it's like a treasure hunt. People hide things all over the world (there's also a cache on the International Space Station!), and post the coordinates online here. The "treasure" isn't usually anything special. Little plastic toys and the like. And sometimes, the cache is so small that no treasure will fit. I've found caches the size of a pencil eraser.

7. Since this is the last one, I'm going to give the most random fact I can think of. I have a great and resounding fear of static cling. Seriously. I carry around a dryer sheet in a ziplock bag everywhere I go. Then if my shirt gets all clingy with static, I wipe the dryer sheet around the inside of the shirt for a few seconds, and all is well in the world. My husband once had to look in my purse for something and saw my dryer sheet, and decided then and there that I was crazy. But I use it often enough that it's worth it to me. Though maybe taking it with me when I climbed a Mayan ruin was overkill.  ;)

Bucket List

Okay, so I know my last post was a long time ago. Like, almost a month ago. Oops.

But I really did have good reason to be away! I went on a cruise, everyone! An incredibly awesome cruise to the Western Caribbean. My darling husband and I chose this cruise specifically because it stopped in Cozumel, Mexico, and an available excursion there was to visit the Coba Mayan ruins. It's a frickin 4,000+ year old Mayan pyramid, guys. And I didn't just get to see it. I got to climb it.

The coolest thing I've ever seen.

 

Here I am partway up.

I made it to the top!!! Woohoo!!!!!!

Still at the top, with the hubby. And yes, I wore my 2012 NaNoWriMo Winner t-shirt. Because it's my favorite shirt, so I wore to the coolest place I've ever been.

So yeah. That's what I've been up to. And I would've posted this shortly after returning, but I woke up sick the morning we left the ship. The flu. Blech. I missed almost another whole week of work, after taking a week of vacation. Not very fun. But totally worth it. I'd be willing to get the flu a dozen times if that's what it took to get me to that pyramid. We're talking bucket list stuff here, guys. Cross that one right off.

Editing, Editing, and More Editing

Yeah, I'm in that stage of the whole writing process. I've read through my book (as a whole) several times. I've made every change I can think of at this stage of the game. I fixed typos, took care of inconsistencies, etc. The little things.

Now it's with my critique partners, two of whom have already finished reading. Their feedback so far has me all manner of excited. And all manner of ready for the next big round of revisions. Because I'm pretty good at taking care of the little things by myself, though I'm always willing to accept any help or suggestions on that front. Big picture stuff, on the other hand? Well, if I thought my pace was lagging or a character didn't have enough depth, etc., I wouldn't have written things the way I had. I think it's one of those things where I'm just too close to the project (it is, after all, my baby) to see it clearly. And I've already gotten a lot of big picture feedback from one CP that was incredibly helpful.

At this point, I'm holding off on revisions until I hear from the other two. I want to go through all of the notes and comments that I get, make a game plan, and then kick the crap out of my revisions. That's the way I like to work. 

So what am I doing in the meantime? Well, I (kind of) started plotting a new book. I say kind of because I only have two pages of notes, but I think this one will be fun to write. I need to do quite a lot of plotting, world building, and character development before I get to that point, though. I'm also still working on the little things. For example, one thing I'm notoriously bad with is using crutch words. Using them without any clue that I'm doing it. In fact, I had no idea whatsoever until I made a word cloud of Diamond Tears.

Mercutio and Robin make sense, because they are two of the three main characters. (The third is Emma, who is on there, but very small, as she is the 1st person narrator. So it makes sense that her name wouldn't come up outside of occasional dialogue.) But just? Just is one of the two most common words in the book? And then back? Really? After I made this word cloud, one of my CPs read the book and pointed out that just was a crutch word, used to distraction.

So when I sat down to write Luminary, it was with this knowledge in mind. I would use just sparingly. All would be well. Imagine my surprise when I made a word cloud of the first twelve chapters, and just was the largest word. Seriously guys. I have no idea I'm doing it. So I made sure I was extra careful through the rest of the draft. Here's the word cloud I made after I finished that first draft:

Just doesn't look too bad, does it? (Look a little over halfway up, on the far left.) But it was still way too big. And look at back! The biggest word on there! I went into my Word doc and made good use of Find to, as my CP Delia said, search and destroy. Here's where the draft is right now:

I know you can't tell because some of those words are pretty small, but just isn't even on there! Hurray! Back is still pretty big, but it's getting smaller. Maybe another few rounds of editing will get it down to one of the tiniest words. Or off the word cloud altogether. At least I know what I have to do. 

If you're a writer, do you have any helpful tools like this to help with your editing? Do you do a lot of self editing, or do you rely on others (critique partners, freelance editors, etc.)? I'd love to hear about your process!

**Someone on Twitter asked me how I make these word clouds, so I figured I should share. I use Wordle.**

Good Things to Come

Guys, I'm really looking forward to 2013. I just have this feeling. It's going to be an epic year. Maybe not in the way I'm hoping, but epic nonetheless. 

Speaking of epic years, 2012 wasn't so bad, either. A lot of firsts and big events for me. Maybe these won't seem so big to the rest of you, but for me, they were huge. And I think things will only get better from here. 

So here are the highlights of my 2012 and, at the end, I'll let you know what I'm most looking forward to in the coming year.

January

~I almost died in a skiing accident. (Actually, I was more or less unharmed, but I tried my first black diamond, and it didn't go very well. Seriously. The people on the lift going over that slope were pulling out their cell phones to call 911 because they actually thought I was dead (or at least very unconscious). Extra fun since this was on my birthday.) I realize this has very little to do with anything, but for me, it was pretty notable.  :P

February

~I finished writing/editing Diamond Tears after 1 year, 3 months, and 9 days (my fastest novel-writing time ever at that point). 

~I started querying Diamond Tears! I only sent 17 queries for my previous book (Hidden Stars), and I was determined to put more effort in this time. The first few months of querying were the most fun I'd had in a long time. Also, I didn't really sleep the whole time. 

~I started this blog! Fun!

~I came up with the idea for Luminary. It took months before I had a firm enough grasp of what I wanted to do that I could actually start writing it, but the very beginnings of the idea started here.  

March

~I GOT MY FIRST AGENT REQUEST! Not just for Diamond Tears. I'm talking ever. I think other writers would agree that while all requests are heart stopping and amazing, there's nothing quite like your first.  ;)

~I decided that I had to get over my prejudices toward (i.e. hatred of) Twitter. This is one of the better decisions I made this year. 

April

~I sent queries and entered contests. Honestly, I'm not sure there's much more I did this month (other than go to work). 

May

~I got my first CP! This was terribly exciting for me. Especially after she sent back a crit of some of my stuff, and I realized that she's amazing. 

~I took a shot at writing a YA Contemporary, Dr. Pepper Kisses and Vodka Smiles. I got frustrated with this project almost immediately. 

~Then I got my second CP! We'd been talking to each other on Twitter for months and I thought she was awesome, so when she posted a Help Wanted ad on her blog, I very quickly replied.

June

~I tried to participate in Camp NaNoWriMo. I epically failed. Around the time I gave up, I also gave up on Dr. Pepper Kisses altogether. Turns out I'm not meant to write contemporary stuff, whether the people who I let read my first couple of chapters agree or not. Writing for me is supposed to be an amazingly fun and exciting and fulfilling thing. Not an overwhelmingly frustrating thing. Also, I like magic. 

~I discovered Doctor Who! I realize this is probably about as notable to you as the skiing incident, but for me, this was huge. Such greatness this was. I will love the Tenth Doctor forever. And ever. And ever. *contented sigh*

July

~I finally sorted out enough of the details about Luminary, and got a good enough handle on the voice, that I could start writing. Sort of. I wrote about a page and a half (much of which I later deleted), and didn't touch it again for weeks and weeks.

August

~I celebrated my one year wedding anniversary!

~As for writing? Er...

September

~Umm...

October

~I got over my summer funk and stopped wasting away.

~Luminary finally got going for real. I couldn't seem to stop writing. 

~On Halloween, some Twitter friends and my husband railroaded me into signing up for NaNoWriMo. I ended this month with great feelings of trepidation considering how poorly Camp NaNo went in June.

November

~NaNo! It was a whirlwind month of awesome, guys. 50,000 words in 25 days. Hells to the yes. 

~I started my new work schedule of only 4 days a week, making Fridays my dedicated writing (editing/plotting/etc.) day each week. Fridays are pretty much my favorite day now.

December

~I finished Luminary. Not counting that page and a half in July, I wrote the whole thing in 2 months and 26 days. I felt amazing. I felt like a real writer. I haven't gotten over that initial high yet. 

~I wore my NaNoWriMo Winner t-shirt to my family's big Christmas get-together in Maryland. Because I'm proud. And a couple of them actually noticed and asked what it meant. And when I told them, they were proud of me. That's better than any present.

~I got some amazing early critiques of Luminary and did my first two rounds of edits. Excited, I sent the whole book off to my CPs. 

So that's my year in a nutshell. I found the writer community on Twitter (including my CPs!), started my blog, finished one book and wrote another, and got my first round of agent requests. Not too shabby, huh? So how about next year? I've listed my goals below. Will I meet them? I have absolutely no clue. But I know I'm sure as hell going to try.    

2013

~Use CP critiques to edit Luminary until it shines. 

~Query the living hell out of Luminary (and enter contests as appropriate). 

~Find the very most perfect agent ever, who is as in love with Luminary as I am.

~Get a book deal. (Bonus: have it be a three book deal with enough of an advance that I can become a full time writer. Wouldn't that be nice? But I'd be happy with any book deal and any size advance. The end game for me is getting my book out there. Anything else is icing on the cake.)  

~In the middle of all that, write another book. (Or two? Who knows.)  

How about you? How was your 2012? Did you meet any big goals or pass any personal milestones? What are you most looking forward to in 2013? What are your big plans?
 
Did you actually make it through this whole, incredibly long post and read all the way to this part?